I am starting to feel human. Over the past few days I have been getting acclimatised. I heat here has been making me tired. I have been doing heaps of thinking about the past few months in Aotearoa, and I have been working on a new video; my swan song to my homoland. I suppose this has been taking a heap of energy… a feeding frenzy for my brainfluid. I haven’t been training which makes a difference too. The weather here on the Gold Coast is hot, and for the past few days it has been humid… I am grateful for the swimming pool in my sister’s gated community. Even though is strange to be in a place outside of Aotearoa filled with Maori, I feel like I will enjoy myself and regardless of my thinking overload abundance trance, I feel blessed to be here. At the same time, I’m still on NZ time so have been waking up waaaaay early when the birds sing their tunes to today’s business. The sun rises EARLY, but not as early as it would were I in Vancouver or Anchorage…it is the middle of summer. That’s normal aye.
I like the birds here…they’re interesting.
I came here from Aotearoa. I have had such a busy summer, although in many ways I have been hibernating. I think I needed to be on the downlow in my brain as this has been my third summer in a row. I knew I was coming here not long after I got back to NZ in November, so I decided to let myself out of having a training routine before I left. I’m lucky, I have one of those bodies that doesn’t need a lot of work to stay looking great.
Now that I am here I am over my slight adjustment issues.
Today, I am full of beans. I committed to my new routine once I got out of bed today. It is a simple routine that involves me getting out of bed early, eating breakfast, then going to the library to read and analyse for a significant period of time. I am doing pretty well today, in that I am at the library. I’m not researching though, instead I am looking for jobs. On the one hand I am looking for academic positions, on the other I am also looking for café jobs or anything routine where I am able to have my research rolling in the background.
I suppose I am kinda pretty and exotic looking, which in the past has always helped me get work. I’m quite socially fluid on the surface too (even though inside I am a nervous and self-conscious mess), so I get on really well with everybody.
It is great to make headway with a new routine in this new place. Even though I didn’t manage to get up and go for a run, I am beginning to feel a sense of normalcy. I am staying with my big sis, her three kids and my sister’s partner. They have only been in Australia since July, and have been in the GC since November. It’s awesome to be in another country with family. I have lived in lots of places around the world, but this is the first time I have lived somewhere outside of Aotearoa with family. I love it!
I have only been here a couple of days, and I am loving that I do not feel strange for walking around barefoot with swinging poi in hand.
In some cities, I feel self-conscious for performing my culture. People regard me with curiosity, but also I feel a degree of disdain. I am who I am, and I am proud of my journey. I try very hard to let go of judgement of others. I feel that if people judge me negatively, it is more a reflection of their inability to negotiate their own realities in balanced ways. I wear makeup too, so I guess I do look peculiar.
Blah blah, I always look fantastic. I own my space.
I know when I feel comfortable and relaxed because there are no interruptions in my poi beats as I walk along the street, and the concentration required to maintain a rhythm becomes effortless. I find music an effective distraction from the perceptions of others. I love living with a soundtrack.
Often, I sing aloud in the street when I walk.
I am a performance artist. Habitual repetition of specific actions enable me to internalise and perform the artwork I have committed to enact over the duration of my project. My poi and song are emancipatory. My sisters and I loved musical films when we were kids, so in lots of ways my current body of artwork uses the idea of a musical fantasy montage to explore the ways that life is dreamlike… we are trained to live life in sleep-mode, without questioning normalised assumptions, so perhaps life is only but a dream?
My daily life is becoming like a performance. While I am in Auzzie, I have to get out thurrr and make some street art… but it’s kinda hot outside and I am still feeling shy. I need to get over myself!
Anyway… with the anxiety I am feeling, I am also feeling on top of my game.
Now is the time to make things happen.