Flashback to youth, I miss the lack of knowing, the ignorance, the presence.

It feels sometimes like I’ve rationalised myself to oblivion.

I found this pic on my best friend’s fridge, from 96. Holy shit I had only just turned 20 then… Today still poor, still a student, still black, less drunk though.

“When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, what would I be… ”

Still tryna figure that out. Maybe today will have an answer.

Yesterday as I served plates of food to waiting people seated at rows of tables, my relations feasting the life of another dearly departed, I realised I’m living the dream. A lot of people dream of a return to whenua, a return to their papakāinga, a whānau life spent trying to collectively heal from deadened pasts.

Academia can wait, maybe it can wait forever.

I see abundance in this life of changing centres. I try to feel good, I try to be good. Goodness knows…

9 thoughts on “Twenty

    • Kia ora e hoa, thanks heaps! It has been good this week to have kōrero with peeps and be reminded of the blessings of a creative life. Arohanui ki a koe e kare xxxx

  1. Isn’t that concept of us being something a funny one? A slippery one? Aren’t we just phenonena always shifting always in flux? Why do we try so hard to lock ourselves down as if that will protect us from death and change and pain?

    I love my life and count my blessings with gratitude. I’m also miserable and uncomfortable and struggling to get out of my pyjamas today. Time to meditate and breathe and focus. I love you.

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