ceiling fan

I am inside today, mostly because it is too hot outside, but also because I am a little tired. I smoked pot over the weekend and I am suddenly realising that it really does make me feel tired once it is no longer numbing my brain.

I am making a real effort to address some things that I haven’t been able to resolve before in my life. Now is the right time. I used to be such a stoner, but not anymore, I don’t want to not feel the life I have been blocking from my receptors. I want to connect and I want things to make sense.

I am in California for the next four weeks and already, I am glad to be back among friends, home away from home.

I spent the past week in Hawai’i, on Oahu. Pele has been evolving something beneath the surface there for me. It’s something that I prayed to her about a long time ago when I was much younger, though the prayer has been a constant commitment in my daily life. All paths are leading somewhere and I can feel energy about to envelop what I once considered ngaro space. Something is happening in Hawai’i and although it is focused in there, it is less about Hawai’i and more about me; the individual searching for collective meaning. The presence of Ruaimoko sends forth steamy missives of heat and motion, hidden energy waiting to sear the surface with sensation.

I had an uber driver in Oahu tell me about the aloha spirit. The major part of me did not like a non-Hawai’ian speaking to me about Moana knowledge, but I am a fair person and what he said, although watered-down by Americanisation rang with truth. I like aloha because unlike love, aloha has a clearer intent and purpose. Love is crazed, irrational and fragmented. Aroha is meaningful and expansive.

The ceiling fan is going around and around and today, it represents the psychic space I have occupied for some years now. There are circles within circles and they cycle in constant rhythms.


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