I came home today.
I had been overseas for the past 28 days, in San Francisco, then Woodland/Davis, then all over Oahu, then Southern Puget Sound, back to San Francisco, back to Woodland and Davis, and then finally San Francisco again.
Tomorrow I fly to Sydney in the morning, and then I will catch a bus to Woollongong to present at a conference. I will be there for four days, and I will spend time at the beach for sure.
For now I am in Auckland. I spent the day thinking about where to sleep tonight. When I tried to find somewhere online, all the hotels, backpackers, inns, barns and empty garages were full, no vacancy anywhere. I have been hosted too much lately, I just want to sleep.
My trip was really good, and I am excited to begin again and again again.
I used to always wonder what it would be like to peel back all of the layers; the layers of my colonised and unhappy self. I feel like I don’t have to wonder about that anymore. I am my own champion, and on the island of my being, I am on fire.
On my new island, there is abundance and no more crying. I feel lost in the boundaries that no longer mark out my existence; I used to know them so well. If they no longer exist, what will stop me from floating?
I spent the day at the Auckland Uni Library. A cute Indian guy cruised me. We made out in a toilet stall and didn’t really clean up the mess we made. A few hours later another guy cruised me, but I was more interested in going to the park to lie in the sun. I love summer. I love that I make guys horny.
My supervisor in Hawai’i, he reckons I should try some new things and mix up my aesthetic.
My supervisor in Woodland and Davis, she reckons I should read about visual sovereignty and send her notes.
My friend in Southern Puget Sound, she is amazing and we inspired each other through knowing our ancestors.
My friends in San Francisco, they let me be stoned, continually for days on end. If there’s one thing I love about San Fran, it’s being there stoned.
Everybody fed me. I feel loved.
I don’t smoke pot at home anymore, nor do I drink. I have stopped watching porn too.
I don’t want a life of addictions, because for the first time ever, I can imagine that I am not an addict.
I don’t mind smoking, drinking and watching porn when I am holiday, because rather than coping or copping out, I am just having a holiday.
I have new tricks, and I wear them on my sleeve.
My relation, friend and brother from another mother phoned. He offered me his hotel suite while he is away for the night. I will sleep feeling full of aroha, and I am smiling. I bought him a gift in Hawai’i, so I will leave it as a surprise. Both of us have overcome some life-long obstacles recently.
Time to get outta this library.