The stars fell from their concrete pits and burned holes in my empty eyes. All imagination blurred into nothing.

I stopped.

The screws turned on and a new form of life that exists in the horizons of never entered my consciousness. Clever me, I stopped my heartbeat and switched off the pulsars that quivered inside.

I can no longer hide.

Bury my hatchets in the sand, grand visions gone as the dunes blow themselves to smithereens. It’s a careening type of dream that does not stop, but instead bleeds forth forever into the empty sea.

No push and pull of the tides, they no longer strum a glissando of harmony. It’s just me. I do not miss the discordant music.

I used to yearn.

Today the clocks stopped ticking their madness and the pitiful play of pretence danced, daringly close to the edge of the stage… I am no longer really here at all.

I no longer fall.

Instead I call upon my pasts to manifest my present into a hardened future. A solid mass of distance that floats where the sky once washed upon a shore of fiery water. I used to bathe my body in the redness, the madness of caring.

Fearing to walk a robotic pace, a graceless mess of glitter spilled into the space I knew I should occupy. But today that has changed, and I grind my cogs into myself anew.

I don’t care that I am an alien existence, on this planet of feeling. I don’t want to feel anything. I just want to walk.

I no longer stumble, instead I tumble forgetting back into the blackness where it belongs. These songs are just mechanical anyway.

I pray to the void, and it offers its emotions of darkness.

This is where I feel safe.

And so I live again.

4 thoughts on “self

  1. I’ve been scrolling and reading. Music wise, I have some old Zimbabwean guitar riffs in the background. 2 guitars, 1970s. I’m too tired to form a coherent thought, but I’m enjoying your visual and written art! I live with 6 artists, and will share with them.

    • Chur bro, Zimbabwean guitar riffs… sounds spiritually sensual in my mind. I appreciate you taking the time to check out my stuff and for sharing with ur mates. I’m just waking up after what feels like a long summer in New Zealand… getting ready to fly to Brisbane later in the day. Australian men, my demise…2 months of heat, research, art and tropical climate spiders. I love that LA is so full of creative people, latent potential. If nasa could harness all that energy we could get to the other side of the galaxy lol

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s